It's Hard Work to be Positive
I always have heard it takes much more energy and muscles to frown than to smile, so why am I so tired from trying to be upbeat and positive all the time?
Let's see - still haven't recieved the news we've been dreaming of, and on top of all that - my parents came back into town, chock full of info after being with their friends all week, and had more "advice" for us - depressing advice.
Let me state for the record that I truly value other opinions, especially our elders. I truly believe in honoring them as well - especially our parents. And I know this blog probably fails to show how much I LOVE my parents, and how close we are to them.
Maybe that is why their words hurt more? We feel like we are worrying them too much, or letting them down? I think when we try to respond to their concerns with "ok, thanks, we'll work on that and we'll be ok" - they assume we are not listening them, being naive, or making mistakes. Maybe we are - but I swear we do listen to them....but the 'repetitiveness' and the worry that comes with their comments are stress I can't take easily, so I say things back as nicely as possible to make them stop which makes them say we are being young and not listening to their wisdom. It scares me also about parenting - how can I be there for my kids when they are in their adult years and not make them feel this stress and pain that I and DH feel? I cry so often over this.
Basically, they came back with all this advice from their retired friends thinking that DH is flagged, and will never get a job, short of begging, because of being so sick and missing so much work. They think we should realy look at other options of jobs, and we are in denial that he'll ever get a good enough job that I can stay home. They think his interviewers find out his father never finished paying his college tuition and don't like him for that. They say they also find out DH missed tons of work from illness. They think because DH does computers, and not what his major is (music) that companies don't like that either. They are trying to get DH to look into other careers, and he isn't ready to do that. Maybe they are right....it sounds possible.
They keep telling me how sorry they feel for me (I don't need that expressed to me, just makes me feel like I'm letting them down), they feel bad that I married a man who has no family (lots of dysfunction) and just make so many comments to "help" us, but I feel broken down by all they say. They RAVED about him before I married him....then things changed. They claim to love him now, but also make so many sad comments about their faith in him. It tires us out to live as wisely as we can. My parents are in our heads now....every decision we make....because we know somehow, they'll mention it later.
I struggle - are we not listening to good wisdom? Are they coming on too strong? I just want to do what's right.
I also think, and my mom agreed on the phone, we may try to live with them a month or so, but we'll also look for a tiny, $$ saving, one bedroom apartment. I think it would help all our nerves, plus keep DH and I feeling like we are doing some things on our own, and not using their generosity. Yes, we could use a few months off from house payments and rent like they offered, but I'm not sure about our stress level. My dad is going to be 82 this year (he DOES NOT look even 70 - he jogs 3 miles a day, does tennis, drives fine, takes care of a 2 story home, he flew lear jets till 75 when pilots in their 20s an 30s could not get the special tests passed...etc) but his age is catching up to him, and gets colds easily, and my mom can get stressed, frustrated, and upset easily....especially when it comes to me or any of her kids.
Anyways, I just feel so depressed over all this, and my faith fluctuates in this waiting game of DH's job. Are my parents correct and we just have not accepted a very dark frustrating future? Are they being too worried?
All I know is we have never felt more stressed, fought as much over what he is doing and capable of doing, and just trying to find a way to get us back on track. When we make plans and our own decisions, we are never worried about the future (is that being blind or naive?)....but get stressed, upset, and fight after any conversation with them (BTW, we're fine...no worries on our marriage - but daily stress like that just is so sad, you know?).
I'm so tired of this....so depressed, and staying upbeat and full of faith makes me feel so tired. It's hard work gosh darnit!!!
Let's see - still haven't recieved the news we've been dreaming of, and on top of all that - my parents came back into town, chock full of info after being with their friends all week, and had more "advice" for us - depressing advice.
Let me state for the record that I truly value other opinions, especially our elders. I truly believe in honoring them as well - especially our parents. And I know this blog probably fails to show how much I LOVE my parents, and how close we are to them.
Maybe that is why their words hurt more? We feel like we are worrying them too much, or letting them down? I think when we try to respond to their concerns with "ok, thanks, we'll work on that and we'll be ok" - they assume we are not listening them, being naive, or making mistakes. Maybe we are - but I swear we do listen to them....but the 'repetitiveness' and the worry that comes with their comments are stress I can't take easily, so I say things back as nicely as possible to make them stop which makes them say we are being young and not listening to their wisdom. It scares me also about parenting - how can I be there for my kids when they are in their adult years and not make them feel this stress and pain that I and DH feel? I cry so often over this.
Basically, they came back with all this advice from their retired friends thinking that DH is flagged, and will never get a job, short of begging, because of being so sick and missing so much work. They think we should realy look at other options of jobs, and we are in denial that he'll ever get a good enough job that I can stay home. They think his interviewers find out his father never finished paying his college tuition and don't like him for that. They say they also find out DH missed tons of work from illness. They think because DH does computers, and not what his major is (music) that companies don't like that either. They are trying to get DH to look into other careers, and he isn't ready to do that. Maybe they are right....it sounds possible.
They keep telling me how sorry they feel for me (I don't need that expressed to me, just makes me feel like I'm letting them down), they feel bad that I married a man who has no family (lots of dysfunction) and just make so many comments to "help" us, but I feel broken down by all they say. They RAVED about him before I married him....then things changed. They claim to love him now, but also make so many sad comments about their faith in him. It tires us out to live as wisely as we can. My parents are in our heads now....every decision we make....because we know somehow, they'll mention it later.
I struggle - are we not listening to good wisdom? Are they coming on too strong? I just want to do what's right.
I also think, and my mom agreed on the phone, we may try to live with them a month or so, but we'll also look for a tiny, $$ saving, one bedroom apartment. I think it would help all our nerves, plus keep DH and I feeling like we are doing some things on our own, and not using their generosity. Yes, we could use a few months off from house payments and rent like they offered, but I'm not sure about our stress level. My dad is going to be 82 this year (he DOES NOT look even 70 - he jogs 3 miles a day, does tennis, drives fine, takes care of a 2 story home, he flew lear jets till 75 when pilots in their 20s an 30s could not get the special tests passed...etc) but his age is catching up to him, and gets colds easily, and my mom can get stressed, frustrated, and upset easily....especially when it comes to me or any of her kids.
Anyways, I just feel so depressed over all this, and my faith fluctuates in this waiting game of DH's job. Are my parents correct and we just have not accepted a very dark frustrating future? Are they being too worried?
All I know is we have never felt more stressed, fought as much over what he is doing and capable of doing, and just trying to find a way to get us back on track. When we make plans and our own decisions, we are never worried about the future (is that being blind or naive?)....but get stressed, upset, and fight after any conversation with them (BTW, we're fine...no worries on our marriage - but daily stress like that just is so sad, you know?).
I'm so tired of this....so depressed, and staying upbeat and full of faith makes me feel so tired. It's hard work gosh darnit!!!
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1 Comments:
Advice= Assvice.
I think parents have the best of intentions, but sometimes, they just don't think before they open their mouths.
You're stuck between a rock and a hard place, and that just plain sucks.
If there's anything I can do, please let me know. We could chat online, on the phone (I'm desperately trying to overcome my fear of talking on the phone), whatever.
Hugs.
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