So? Think I'm FAT?
Take a good LONG look at me in my bathing suit (I've always liked skirted suits cause I've ALWAYS had HORRIBLE thighs, and yes, flabby arms to match - ALWAYS, even at my thinnest - also, skirts help hide my post baby, broken veins and bruising upper thighs)
Yes....these are NOT brushed up....not touched up in ANY way. This is me, arms and all.
Front View: (Careful, you may need sunglasses with my "fair" skin lol)
Side View - like my spider veins and flabby arms (oh yeah, and the skirt hides a TON of cellulite - I mean I could really donate some to starving botox patients in Hollywood and still have some to spare I have so much!!!)?
Here are my STATS:
~ currently on 5-11-05 - 148 lbs
~ Post baby weight before
weening from breastfeeding - 137 lbs
(I swear - weening made me GAIN!)
~Pre baby/Wedding weight - 135 lbs
~ lowest I got using e-diets.com
in March before moving 140 lbs
~ After move, eating out/
eating comfort food, not working
out enough ~ 148 lbs
~ Weight on my driver's licence
the past 8 years 130 lbs ;)
~ Goal weight when finished with lifestyle "makeover" - 135 lbs.
So - before reading on - how bad, or how good, do I look to you??
Now - let's read more into my story....
Ok, so in March of this year, my clothes were feeling tighter and lo and behold, I found myself tapping out at 148 (I was in the mid 150's in college - my heaviest, and lost the weight senior year to 135 lbs) so I got thought I'd work on myself to keep myself in check. I didn't feel horrible...just wanted to stay in control - either stay the same, or lose...but nothing more than 12 - 15 or so pounds.
I joined e-diets (which I recommend for any person watching their $ but wanting some guidence - GREAT programs!!!!) to become a better eater on the go, and did pretty well - I lost eight pounds. Then came the move, and honestly, I haven't been that happy and chose comfort food over healthier choices, plus did not make my regular gym appts. So, around 2 weeks ago, I started keeping a log again and working on my weight. Nothing had really changed, but Wednesday night we went out to eat with family, and apparently, the top and pants I wore were tighter, and my mom noticed. Since then, she has flipped out.
It must just be the fact that summer clothes reveal more, as obviously in the winter I was 148 and I never had any comments then....and I gained the 8 pounds back before now...so I'm lost to a reason she starts on me now, other than it is summer.
~ She has told me this is the biggest I've been and I have to stop.
~That my dad has even commented I've gotten bigger
~ that I've eaten too much fruit (too many carbs)
~ to many breads (ok, I can agree - breads and grains are GREAT comfort foods)
~ comments on foods around me - today I packed a lunch for the offspring, and was packing crackers. My mom grabbed them and said "See, THESE are YOUR problem." I looked at her and yelled "THEY ARE NOT FOR ME." I was beyond PISSED.
~I'm working out with too many weights, so my arms are expanding when I do work out.
~ that I'll be happier thinner.
~ that she'll love me no matter what, but she doesn't want me to throw my life away. for food.
Am I wrong here, or should she be supporting me in another way?
She is obviously scared I'm going to do become bigger - but at this point, unless I throw all excercising out the window and only eat junk, that won't happen. I really think 148 is my cap for a while - but who cares if I do a bit more? I'm not obese, or even near a chronic overweight measurement. I could understand an intervention at that point for them to make sure I'm around for my kids, but for now, I've gained some and I could simply be trimmer, and it is MY struggle and one I recognized already. I was trying to work on it already.
At this point, fill free to tell me if I'm just blind, and really need to lose weight - I mean seriously. Maybe I'm wrong for still feeling sexy around my husband? Let me know if I have serious health problem....
The "problem" is - I feel pretty good about myself. Sure, I'd love to shed a few pounds (who doesn't, I mean that honestly - unless you need to gain a few as some do, or are a dieter who reached their GOAL) but otherwise, I still feel good.
I was happy with the 8 pounds I lost, so I know I CAN do it, so I've been kind of cruising. Now I've gotten back into it after moving and seeing my stress level has not been helped by eating. I'd rather be more active. Plus, people (including my mom, which SO confused me...1 month ago when I said I was changing eating habits said "Oh you look fine, don't overdo it...be careful!!!") have said I look great. So, my motivation was low since I was ok with me, and people were ok with me (though it really should be about what I feel - not the world).
So, really, the only reason I want to lose any weight, is to just work on having a healthy lifestyle, and the by product of that is a trimmer me by a few pounds. My clothing size should not even change!!! It is about me and my decisions.
So why do I feel so PISSED at my mom's comments if they go with what I want for myself currently?
Maybe I'm just pissed at my mom making this about her it seems. If she can't fault my hubby more, let's fault me? The shitty thing is now I'm scared if I do lose the weight I want....or just become healthier like I want....she'll just attribute the success of that goal to HER and her comments. Whether we live her, or move out, she'll assume that if the lifestyle change is made.
Have you ever seen the Steve M*rtin movie, "Parenthood"? There is one scene where the really skinny fit sister comes home from working out to her hubby Rick M*ranis and he gives her a hard time about her wanting to have another baby, etc and when he leaves the room she goes to her closet, opens a secret box of junk food and digs around for a cupcake and STUFFS it in her mouth while glaring in his direction, gesturing "Take this mister!!!"? Well, if you have, that's how I felt ALL day. In fact, I enjoyed some more comfort food today while out visiting with other family while the whole time I mentally flashed the finger at my mom with every bite. Yeah...immature choice, but I wanted to do something SO not what she wanted or could control....(and NO - I did NOT binge eat...or will this decision making become a problem for me personally) But...there IS something wrong with feeling like I wanted or needed to do that.....healthy choices should not come because of that type of pressure.
So I guess that is the subject of this blog entry. The delicate balance of being both happy with myself, plus wanting to make some healthy changes that have a pleasant bi-product with the fine line what is "fat" and "who considers us fat." Am I blind, does she have a valid point that is coming out wrong and I don't want to hear, that I can't see the flaws in the pictures above, is she crazy, am I crazy?
As women (or men reading) where is the line? I'm sick of what society says, what magazines show, what movies portray. What type of commentary is helpful? What do I need to hear?
I may feel flabby in places, flutter in the wind at times in public when I wave, and have looser skin in places - but I feel damn sexy most of the time. I'm now on a personally driven journey to make a few changes if you care to join me. I'd like to take back my life THANK YOU VER Y MUCH from the world and society, and my mother. But I want your honest outlook too. Go ahead, let me here it.
Think I'm fat NOW?
Yes....these are NOT brushed up....not touched up in ANY way. This is me, arms and all.
Front View: (Careful, you may need sunglasses with my "fair" skin lol)
Side View - like my spider veins and flabby arms (oh yeah, and the skirt hides a TON of cellulite - I mean I could really donate some to starving botox patients in Hollywood and still have some to spare I have so much!!!)?
Here are my STATS:
~ currently on 5-11-05 - 148 lbs
~ Post baby weight before
weening from breastfeeding - 137 lbs
(I swear - weening made me GAIN!)
~Pre baby/Wedding weight - 135 lbs
~ lowest I got using e-diets.com
in March before moving 140 lbs
~ After move, eating out/
eating comfort food, not working
out enough ~ 148 lbs
~ Weight on my driver's licence
the past 8 years 130 lbs ;)
~ Goal weight when finished with lifestyle "makeover" - 135 lbs.
So - before reading on - how bad, or how good, do I look to you??
Now - let's read more into my story....
Ok, so in March of this year, my clothes were feeling tighter and lo and behold, I found myself tapping out at 148 (I was in the mid 150's in college - my heaviest, and lost the weight senior year to 135 lbs) so I got thought I'd work on myself to keep myself in check. I didn't feel horrible...just wanted to stay in control - either stay the same, or lose...but nothing more than 12 - 15 or so pounds.
I joined e-diets (which I recommend for any person watching their $ but wanting some guidence - GREAT programs!!!!) to become a better eater on the go, and did pretty well - I lost eight pounds. Then came the move, and honestly, I haven't been that happy and chose comfort food over healthier choices, plus did not make my regular gym appts. So, around 2 weeks ago, I started keeping a log again and working on my weight. Nothing had really changed, but Wednesday night we went out to eat with family, and apparently, the top and pants I wore were tighter, and my mom noticed. Since then, she has flipped out.
It must just be the fact that summer clothes reveal more, as obviously in the winter I was 148 and I never had any comments then....and I gained the 8 pounds back before now...so I'm lost to a reason she starts on me now, other than it is summer.
~ She has told me this is the biggest I've been and I have to stop.
~That my dad has even commented I've gotten bigger
~ that I've eaten too much fruit (too many carbs)
~ to many breads (ok, I can agree - breads and grains are GREAT comfort foods)
~ comments on foods around me - today I packed a lunch for the offspring, and was packing crackers. My mom grabbed them and said "See, THESE are YOUR problem." I looked at her and yelled "THEY ARE NOT FOR ME." I was beyond PISSED.
~I'm working out with too many weights, so my arms are expanding when I do work out.
~ that I'll be happier thinner.
~ that she'll love me no matter what, but she doesn't want me to throw my life away. for food.
Am I wrong here, or should she be supporting me in another way?
She is obviously scared I'm going to do become bigger - but at this point, unless I throw all excercising out the window and only eat junk, that won't happen. I really think 148 is my cap for a while - but who cares if I do a bit more? I'm not obese, or even near a chronic overweight measurement. I could understand an intervention at that point for them to make sure I'm around for my kids, but for now, I've gained some and I could simply be trimmer, and it is MY struggle and one I recognized already. I was trying to work on it already.
At this point, fill free to tell me if I'm just blind, and really need to lose weight - I mean seriously. Maybe I'm wrong for still feeling sexy around my husband? Let me know if I have serious health problem....
The "problem" is - I feel pretty good about myself. Sure, I'd love to shed a few pounds (who doesn't, I mean that honestly - unless you need to gain a few as some do, or are a dieter who reached their GOAL) but otherwise, I still feel good.
I was happy with the 8 pounds I lost, so I know I CAN do it, so I've been kind of cruising. Now I've gotten back into it after moving and seeing my stress level has not been helped by eating. I'd rather be more active. Plus, people (including my mom, which SO confused me...1 month ago when I said I was changing eating habits said "Oh you look fine, don't overdo it...be careful!!!") have said I look great. So, my motivation was low since I was ok with me, and people were ok with me (though it really should be about what I feel - not the world).
So, really, the only reason I want to lose any weight, is to just work on having a healthy lifestyle, and the by product of that is a trimmer me by a few pounds. My clothing size should not even change!!! It is about me and my decisions.
So why do I feel so PISSED at my mom's comments if they go with what I want for myself currently?
Maybe I'm just pissed at my mom making this about her it seems. If she can't fault my hubby more, let's fault me? The shitty thing is now I'm scared if I do lose the weight I want....or just become healthier like I want....she'll just attribute the success of that goal to HER and her comments. Whether we live her, or move out, she'll assume that if the lifestyle change is made.
Have you ever seen the Steve M*rtin movie, "Parenthood"? There is one scene where the really skinny fit sister comes home from working out to her hubby Rick M*ranis and he gives her a hard time about her wanting to have another baby, etc and when he leaves the room she goes to her closet, opens a secret box of junk food and digs around for a cupcake and STUFFS it in her mouth while glaring in his direction, gesturing "Take this mister!!!"? Well, if you have, that's how I felt ALL day. In fact, I enjoyed some more comfort food today while out visiting with other family while the whole time I mentally flashed the finger at my mom with every bite. Yeah...immature choice, but I wanted to do something SO not what she wanted or could control....(and NO - I did NOT binge eat...or will this decision making become a problem for me personally) But...there IS something wrong with feeling like I wanted or needed to do that.....healthy choices should not come because of that type of pressure.
So I guess that is the subject of this blog entry. The delicate balance of being both happy with myself, plus wanting to make some healthy changes that have a pleasant bi-product with the fine line what is "fat" and "who considers us fat." Am I blind, does she have a valid point that is coming out wrong and I don't want to hear, that I can't see the flaws in the pictures above, is she crazy, am I crazy?
As women (or men reading) where is the line? I'm sick of what society says, what magazines show, what movies portray. What type of commentary is helpful? What do I need to hear?
I may feel flabby in places, flutter in the wind at times in public when I wave, and have looser skin in places - but I feel damn sexy most of the time. I'm now on a personally driven journey to make a few changes if you care to join me. I'd like to take back my life THANK YOU VER Y MUCH from the world and society, and my mother. But I want your honest outlook too. Go ahead, let me here it.
Think I'm fat NOW?
posted by 
7 Comments:
You poor misguided soul. Oh, my gawd, sweetie, what were you thinking? Forget worrying about fat, try worrying a little about fashion. And while we're on the subject, get thee to a spray tanning booth! You should be more worried about blinding us with that white skin, unless your strategy is to blind us so we can't see all that roly poly cellulite. If this were queer eye for the straight girl, I'd be the fashion police and have you arrested.
All in jest, "fat *ecca", You know that we love you and don't think anything of the like. Enjoy the cupcakes and get yourself a swimsuit that doesn't scream chubby grandma. Really, no shame in showing your thighs in a cute swimsuit.
Love from your "brother in law" in Florida.
You are not fat! I too wish I weighed what you do. You are absolutely right about everyone needing to eat right and get fit, but I think you are right on track for yourself. Don't get down on yourself because of what your mom is saying. I think she is off base on this one.
hmm . . . let's start with how many people I would kill to be in the 140's again . . . heh
not much time to comment, but I agree with Nino. Don't let your mom make this about her. And don't let it get to you -- you look great. And I can say that, 'casue I've seen you recently! ;o)
get healthy purely for the sake of being healthy, if that's what you want to put some energy into. While I'm not thrilled with the weight I'm at right now, I've figured out in the last few years that there are far worse things than being a little fat.
gotta go, Jake's pulling at me. love you, hon.
Jen
Are those even real pictures of you? Cuz, I don't think it looks anything like the fat ass that left my pelvis cracked from that ride....
hahaha!
Love from your favorite heckler.
I'll be back at 8 and 11 PM, don't forget to tip your bartenders!
I love you, friend. She just needs something to bitch about and unfortunately it's you this week.
You know that we can't wait to see you, though A just wondered if we have a bed big enough for you.... wahaha! He's cracking me up all night here. lol.
Seriously, after seeing those pictures, I swear there is no way she can honestly think your weight is a problem. What a terrible situation you're in right now. I'll be praying that something GREAT happens this week - oh you're housesitting, something great is gonna happen. :) But something else that we're looking forward to on the 13th. :)
Sorry that I am just now getting to respond to this.
I think you are beautiful period. You look amazing really.
This isn't about your weight hon because it can't be when you aren't even close to being overweight, your mom for some unknown reason HAS to belittle you. I am so sorry for everything she said to you, but please know she isn't right whatsoever.
You are SO BEAUTIFUL on the inside and OUT!
I love you and keep us posted on interviews and everything else going on!
Love you
Kelly
PS Sorry about anonymous comments.
Becca ~ You are definitely NOT fat! I'm sorry that you've had to deal with the comments from your mom. I agree with everyone else - just keep doing what you're doing - getting healthy for healths sake - and you'll be fine!
xoxo
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